Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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