tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
