worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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