So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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