So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Randomize
