guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
My vagina just clenched in fear
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
