I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
