Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
