shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
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All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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