I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
