Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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