Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
