2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
home. puking in laundry basket.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I just want nice things and good sex
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
