that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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