addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
