So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
try to milk me bitch
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