if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
