My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
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