Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
