matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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