If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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