all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
