He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
