Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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