im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
i want to swaddle you in tequila
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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