just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
