I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
