Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Randomize
