I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
