There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
