C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
