why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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