we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Someone signed my nipple.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
