summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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