Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
