Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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