this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
