I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
