Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm jealous of your bromance
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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