did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
