I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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