Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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