ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
