turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
