i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
