Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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