Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
