google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
