dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
