Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
The air was thick with penises
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
