it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
