how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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