She is in my trunk
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
