I cannot find my penis.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
