Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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