just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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