I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
