Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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