How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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