he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
