Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
