You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
