Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
