When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
