There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
