The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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