i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
