So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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