Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
