she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
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