So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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