I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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