My brain says no but my pants say off.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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