The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
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If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
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This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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