Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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