walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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