he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
