Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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