so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
