There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
How does it feel to date your dad?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
