Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
no you cant smoke seaweed
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
